the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
