so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
