wrigley field is MILF paradise
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
