youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize