If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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