is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
