If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
