we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
