she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I love you. Go after that dick
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
