I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
