Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
