just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
