Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
