They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
