i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
