Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
