I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
