who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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