I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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