I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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