a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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