this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
