he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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