apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
