I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
