sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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