she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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