Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
one might say we're banned from that church
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
