there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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