He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
