Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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