Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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