I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
