All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
