but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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