we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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