Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
