Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
