Your face is a jimmy john
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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