Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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