I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Randomize
