Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
