i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
