girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize