We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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