Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
