i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
