cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
