so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize