I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
