Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
