Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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