I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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