So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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