I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
