I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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