I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
