One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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