Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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