i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
