Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize