Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
