shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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