So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I could make wine with my vomit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
