as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
