So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
