If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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