so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
