dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
