is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
