The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
