I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
