the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
