Whod you bang
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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