id be glad to
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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