fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
