Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
