There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
