direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
