Plan B is the new Plan A
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
