um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
