i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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