wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
