Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
