life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
