We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
