Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
