i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
