My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
