so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
