The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
