dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
