Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
