just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize