im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
