if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
