dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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