Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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