he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
