Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
