Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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